July 18: I’ll cook, You talk

I think my wife’s most redeeming quality is her gift for inclusion. Ever since I met her, I have noticed how she is absolutely unafraid to ask people the most important questions, ones that most people don’t ask; the difficult ones. She is genuine, honest and, to a point, blunt. I could not get away with asking what she asks others to answer, because I do not have the saveur faire that she does. She is not intimidating, rude, or condescending. She just wants to know, with sincerity, what is going on with YOU. And, I have seen, most people want to tell her. Or anybody. Which makes her so classy, while she risks an embarrassing moment. Yet I have never seen one. Because it does not occur to her that there might be one. The question, “What happened to your first marriage, anyway?” would not come out of me with any grace, whereas if MB were to ask someone that same question, it comes from love, compassion and desire to understand.

She comes from a family who talk about things of importance. For those of us whose families lacked that certain courage of conversation, it seems a bit intimidating and foreign at times. Yet having been around it for some 24 years now, I know that her healing has come in large part knowing that her family (and many friends from work and church) will spend long periods of time with her, either in person or on the phone, “just talking”. Her response to my text question if she can meet me at a certain place, and time, about 3 sentences. My response to that query, probably something like, “K, c u then”. So, Honey, can you chat with your Mom for a few more minutes? Sure, “I’ll cook the salmon, You talk!”

Works for me!